We're not in Cardiff anymore
by HobbitsHuntersHufflepuffs
Summary: Jack and his three 'special' Torchwood agents have to travel to New York to investigate a disturbance that could be related to the Chitauri invasion. To do this they will need to work with S.H.I.E.L.D, the Avengers, and their new recruit Loki. OC pairings not canon pairings. No yaoi
1. Chapter 1 - Weevils in NYC

Chapter 1 – Weevils in NYC

Brought into consciousness by the faint tapping of heels and the overwhelming stench of urine, Kendra found herself stood alone in a dark subway station. As the tapping heels grew closer she took in her surroundings; this definitely wasn't Cardiff. Turning towards the subway entrance she found the owner of the tapping heels. It was a woman wearing a scarlet overcoat, scarlet heels and blood red lipstick. Kendra went towards her but the woman walked past her as if she were invisible.

"Excuse me, could you tell me which station we're at?" Kendra asked but got no reply, the woman just carried on as if she were not there.

On the floor Kendra spotted a newspaper the headline read _Subway Alien A Hoax. _Under the title was a picture of a brown alien with a long, fat head and sharp teeth. She immediately recognized it as her pet weevil Janet who she had lost recently. Her attention was taken by a large bang at the other side of the subway.

"Uhhh...hello?" Called the Scarlet woman, obviously startled by the noise, "Is there anybody there?"

She spoke with an American accent. There was a closer bang followed by a snarl. Then from the shadows, Janet the weevil ran out and towards her. More weevils began to come from the shadows and soon she was surrounded by a group of them, all crowding around her and ripping into her flesh. Kendra went to run towards her, she had to do something. She looked towards the subway entrance and saw hundreds of weevils running up the steps, she had to stop this. The room started to grow darker, all that was left was the screaming of the scarlet woman. Kendra woke with a start in her bed, dripping with sweat and out of breath. She knew this was no dream, this had happened before. She had to tell the team. She had to save this woman.

The next morning when Kendra woke she got ready and left for work. She knew it would be impossible to try and find the scarlet woman but she had to try, if there were that many weevils setting off somewhere it would be disastrous. On the way to work she picked up her sister Una, as usual. Una also worked at Torchwood. Torchwood was an underground organization based in Cardiff for the location and containment of alien encounters. She worked alongside Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper and Ianto Jones. Torchwood also employed an alien mechanics expert called Wilma.

Upon arrival at The Hub the sisters were greeted by a yelling, running Wilma.

"Help!" She wailed whilst she ran behind them, "Jack's gone crazy! He says he's going to put me in detainment, don't wanna go in there!"

"What did you do to him?" Inquired a suspicious Una, Wilma shook her head.

"Don't bullshit me spacegirl, you know it wont work," Una scolded, but before Wilma could answer, Jack ran out with an enraged look on his face.

"She blew a hole in the tech room!" he bellowed.

"I didn't," Wilma defended, "the Sontaran blaster did."

Unfortunately Jack was not convinced by this remark and started towards her. Kendra held him back.

"Wilma! Can we not leave you for one night in this place without you demolishing its walls?!" Kendra shouted.

"Sorry," muttered Wilma under her breath. This apology had seemed to be enough for Jack as he quickly calmed down.

"You're fixing that wall," he said sternly as he turned towards the door, "NOW!"

Wilma scurried toward the building as quick as she could.

"Never a dull day" sighed one sister.

"Wouldn't be Torchwood otherwise," the other replied as they both walked into the building.

They walked into base, greeted Ianto and each went straight to their work. Kendra thought about her dream, she would have to mention it to Jack before she did anything. She went to Jack's room, knocked on and entered.

"Jack, I need to talk to you about something..." she started.

"This new shirt? I know I look great in it. I understand if you can't control yourself."

"You and your ego, Christ," Kendra scoffed, "this is actually quite a serious matter."

She told him about her dream, the scarlet woman and the hundreds of weevils. When she had finished Jack looked confused, like he was putting the pieces of a puzzle together in his head.

"Right," he said after the a short pause, "a meeting, bring them all in 20 minutes."

Kendra was relieved he took her seriously and went to grab the others for the meeting. Wilma, Ianto, Kendra and Una sat in the meeting room waiting for him to speak. Jack looked at them, sighed and started.

"So.. guys we have a bit of an alarming situation." Jack briefed them all fully on the situation but they were all very sure he just liked the sound of his own voice.

"Janet the weevil went missing about a week ago, unfortunately we haven't been able to trace her yet," he finished. This made Kendra quite sad, she missed Janet a lot; she had managed to train her a little and quite liked having her around.

"Kendra has had a dream; in it, Janet and a hell of a lot of other weevils break out somewhere we expect to be around North America. I don't know how or why they are there; our intel states they haven't come into proper contact with weevils yet, there may have been a couple but never a crap load like that! We need to find that station."

"But Jack there are a fair few subways in America how will we find that one?" interrupted Wilma.

"Well I have a feeling it's to do with this rift activity Ianto found," Jack gave a cheeky wink to Ianto who smiled back, blushing. "Exactly one year ago a rift was opened in New York, I don't find that a coincidence."

"My dreams," piped up Kendra. "We have no idea what time frame they are in. It could be months, weeks, maybe even years from now."

"Like Jack said, there's rift activity showing somewhere in America exactly a year ago, it's likely to be something to do with that." Una added.

"Exactly Una," exclaimed Jack "and I've managed to get in touch with S.H.I.E.L.D."

The table looked at Jack puzzled.

"Who the fuck is that?!" asked Wilma.

"They're like U.N.I.T; they're a pain in my ass and I don't trust them," said Jack. "Their only use to us is that they're in contact with the Avengers and, as we all know, one of them owns the building that the rift was opened on. Plus they all fought against the Chitauri that came out of that rift. There could be some link to the weevils and if there is we need to find it."

"The guy who owns the building, that's Tony Stark right? He's the arrogant tosser in the Iron man suit isn't he?" asked Una.

"Oh him and Jack will get right along then," joked Wilma taking cover behind Una from the pen Jack had just launched at her.

"We leave for New York the day after tomorrow," Said Jack, "go home and get your 'me time' in you have a lot of work to do when we get there."

Everyone assumed that this meant the meeting was over so they left the room.

"Yaaaaaaayyyy! We're going to America," Wilma chimed. "I wanna see the Statue of Liberty, and the Eiffel Tower."

"Wilma you moron, that's in France! You really should work on your Geography," Una sighed.

"Well I was never really that good at maths," she replied as Una shook her head wearily.

Una, Wilma and Kendra made their way to Una's apartment.

"Why do you guys always come to my house?" Una said. "Oh it's ok; come to Una's, mess her house up, leave all the dishes to her. It's fine!"

"Shut it whingebag sister, I picked up some cocktail stuff on the way," said Kendra. "I'm very sure that might just make up for it," Kendra winked at Wilma.

"Oi oi! Let's get wankered!" Cheered Wilma.

This stirred up painful memories for Una from the time that Wilma got too drunk and threw up all over her living room floor and table.

"No! My coffee table can't handle another puking incident," Una said.

The girls entered the flat and made themselves comfortable, pouring cocktails and reminiscing old missions they had been on.

"Remember the time we were chasing those Vanon guys from Muptar and Wilma cuffed one of them, didn't realize that their hands were actually their penises and gave them a happy ending without realizing!" Said Kendra; laughing uncontrollably while Wilma put her head down in mock embarrassment.

"What about the time you let that shapeshifter go because he turned into Jack and told you Wilma wrongly captured him," Said Una.'

"Hey! I was having an off day, plus it wouldn't surprise me with Wilma," she laughed as Wilma threw a pillow at her face. Kendra jumped on her and started repeatedly hitting her with said pillow.

"What-about-that-time-Una-shot-that-squid-guy-thinking-Jack-was-playing-a-trick-on-us." Wilma spoke between beatings. Kendra was laughing so hard that Wilma managed to push her off.

"Jack's face when he came in!" She laughed "Almost as priceless as yours when you found out who it was!"

"Well I haven't done anything nearly as bad as you two," Una retaliated.

Wilma, who had now escaped Kendra's grip, threw a pillow at Una.

"That's not true, you just think you haven't," said Kendra "we all know you've done some pretty stupid stuff in your time."

The girls spent the rest of the night still reminiscing and drinking cocktails, enjoying the last night of fun before the shed load of work that they would have over the next couple of weeks. They were each dreading the long flight ahead of them. Many cocktails later they started discussing their American co-workers.

"I can just imagine these S.H.I.E.L.D guys, saluting at us and shit. Those bloody yanks can be annoying." Said Wilma. "Just imagine them running around shouting Sir and Ma'am." Wilma chuckled.

"Every time you mention the USA they salute and shout 'Murica," giggled Kendra.

"They sound just as bad as U.N.I.T." smirked Una while reading the information Jack gave her, "although reading Stark's file I'd rather deal with S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I think he sounds a right laugh," said Wilma.

"Maybe, I just hope we don't have to stay around him for too long," Una hoped.

The cocktails carried on flowing until the early hours of the morning; then when Una fell asleep on the sofa snoring loudly, the sisters covered her with a blanket and went to bed themselves.


	2. Chapter 2 - Torchwood travels

Chapter 2

The next morning Wilma heard a knock on the door; she chose to ignore it, after all it wasn't her house and her head was pounding. Then came a second knock, and a third.

"Will you piss off!" Shouted Wilma, getting annoyed, "trying to sleep here ya know!"

"Wish we all had that luxury Wilma, now open the door!" came Jack's familiar voice from outside.

Wilma shot out of bed, whilst doing so got caught up in the blanket she was sleeping in and fell straight through Una's coffee table. This woke one of the sleeping sisters.

"Wilma! What the frigging hell have you done now?!" Una bellowed as she walked into her living room to find her coffee table destroyed. At that point Jack decided he had enough of waiting. So he kicked her front door down.

"I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING WITH YOU PEOPLE!" Una exploded. "What the hell do you want Jack?"

Kendra wandered out of her room sleepily. "What have I missed?" She yawned. Una sighed and started to tidy her newly destroyed living room.

"Right, now you're all awake here's the deal. It's time to go ladies. Get yourselves ready we leave in 5 hours" Jack ordered.

"What?" Kendra said woken by the statement, "if you think for one second that I'm getting on a plane with this hangover you are very mistaken!"

"Sorry girls, can't help it. Now either you pack for yourselves or I pack for you," Jack shrugged

"Una, sorry, I'd help pack but if I let Jack pack I'd be wearing nothing but underwear for a week," Kendra said.

"Aww you spoil all my fun Kendra," Jack winked "I'll get Ianto and Gwen to sort that door for you, they're staying here while we go. Now I expect you all to be at the airport on time." he ushered Kendra and Wilma out.

The next time the girls met was at the airport, Wilma was gnawing into her fingernails as they were boarding the plane.

"Don't worry Wilma you will be fine," Jack reassured her.

"I don't like flying," Wilma pouted.

"The only real problem is turbulence," said Una

"And terrorists or the engines failing and maybe the wings falling off," teased Kendra as she pushed past Wilma into her seat. Wilma started to freak out.

"Kendra! For god's sake, sometimes I feel like I'm the only adult here!" Jack flustered, pushing a distressed Wilma into her seat.

The air hostesses went through their safety announcements and got ready for take off. Wilma was clawing at her arm rest. All the girls were still nursing terrific hangovers; they fell asleep as soon as the plane was on a steady course. The only time they woke was to purchase food and drink from the trolley.

Not long into the 10hr flight the girls awoke and started getting very irritable with Jack 'Why today? You said tomorrow!' Huffed Una in Jack's direction.

'Because I said so that's why' he replied ignoring the rude gesture that came his way.

When they finally touched down they were greeted by a tall woman with brown hair in a ponytail.

'Good evening, I'm Agent Maria Hill. I'll be taking you to S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters for your briefing' she shook their hands and gestured them toward the car.

'Well hello Miss Hill, I'd quite like to de brie-'

'Jack can you keep it in your pants for 5 minutes please? We have serious work to do' said Kendra dragging him along by his ear 'Don't mind him, he does it all the time. He had a friend once who tried it on with a poodle,' Maria looked at Jack confused but said nothing as they entered the car.

'I'll be taking you to director Nick Fury, he will be overseeing the operation and will tell you everything you need to know' the car set off and they spend the remaining time in the vehicle in uncomfortable silence. This seemed a rather military atmosphere and Torchwood did things a little different.

After what felt like an age the finally arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. 'Follow me' Maria ordered 'Don't worry about the bags' Wilma dropped her suitcase and climbed out, the others followed.

S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters was enormous, they were taken aback by its size after being used to such cosy headquarters at home. There was twice the people working here than at U.N.I.T.

'WOW' gasped Wilma.

'Torchwood not as big?' Smirked Maria

'Well seeing as you are looking at more than half of it's staff, no. But we don't need to over compensate for anything. We know we are brilliant' Jack laughed.

'Your government leaves it's safety to a handful of people?' Maria laughed back.

'He said we were brilliant' Kendra smiled 'and there's always U.N.I.T, I suppose, we know you know about them. We do things differently though. We aren't the guns blazing type.'

'We're not government anyway, a bit more freelance than that' Wilma said. These remarks seemed to unsettle Maria, like she realised what they were getting themselves into.

She looked at them disapprovingly 'I thought we were getting the professionals?'

'Oh don't you worry about it sweet. We are as good as it gets, and better' grinned Jack. This didn't look like it eased Maria's concern at all. She led them into a glass lift that took them to an office, Maria entered.

'Sir' She saluted

'See they're saluting already, we've only been here 5 minutes!' Giggled Kendra to Wilma who burst out laughing. Maria shot her an admonishing look.

'Torchwood are here, sir' she continued.

'Well, send them in' they walked in and found the voice belonged to a tall, black man with an eyepatch and a long black coat. 'I'm Nick Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D and the guy you don't want to cross' he had an air of authority about him and even Wilma wasn't brave enough to question it.

'I'm Captain Jack Harkness, I'm the leader of Torchwood an-' Jack began

'I know who you are! I brought you all here, now listen I'm a busy man and I want to get this over with. You'll be staying in Stark tower with Tony and the rest of the Avengers. You have a problem, I don't wanna know, You go see Agent Coulson or Agent Hill. Just find out what the hell is going on and fix it!'

The team were taken aback. Jack stood staring at him with his mouth open. He gained his composure, nodded and took the folder Maria held out to him. The team walked out of the room and back down the elevator.

'I'll be dropping you off at Stark tower, you'll mainly be dealing with me and Coulson who you will meet soon enough' Maria said to them as they reached the ground floor.

'We weren't expecting to be staying with him' Una grumbled 'but I guess it makes sense being right at the rift.'


	3. Chapter 3 - Stark Tower

Chapter 3

Maria led them into Stark tower. It was quite an impressive building with an ultra modern interior and more rooms than you could even begin to count.

"I think he must be overcompensating for something, why would he need a building like this?" Scoffed Una "I bet he's never been in some of these rooms"

"I wouldn't knock it just yet Una, I've heard he has some amazing lab equipment here. That should keep you entertained for the duration of your stay." Jack turned to Una and saw her expression change from grumpy to gleeful almost instantly.

The team were lead into what they assumed was a sort of lounge, where they were greeted by a smirking Tony Stark. "Hi, Torchwood isn't it? I hope we will be getting very close over these few weeks." He winked towards the ladies, "lets get ourselves introduced."

"That remind you of someone?" Kendra giggled to the girls as she gestured towards Jack. Tony pointed towards the rest of the group who were scattered around the room, the team recognised them as the Avengers.

"This is-" Tony began

"Agent Romanov, Agent Barton, Steve Rogers AKA Captain America, Bruce Banner AKA Hulk, Thor Odinson and of course The Iron man himself. That's you." Jack pointed at Tony then continued, "We know who you are, we did our research."

"Now let us tell you a bit about us." Smiled Kendra stepping in front of Jack.

"Hey that's my bit." scowled Jack

"Shut it you big drama queen; at least I can do it without coming on to everyone in the room." Kendra stepped away from Jack and carried on, "My name is Kendra Horrocks, I'm Torchwood's Biochemist. This is Una Horrocks, my sister," she directed them over to Una.

"I'm the Astrophysicist, and this is Wilma; she's kind of like our space mechanic." Una laughed

"Hey, I'm an engineer mate!" Wilma piped up, "and this is Jack, he's Torchwood's waste of space!" The girls laughed.

"Right, so it's a waste of space keeping you guys all in check, being awesome at my job and being this handsome?" Jack looked over at Agent Romanov and winked, "wouldn't you agree?"

Agent Romanov smirked, the girls rolled their eyes.

"You know there really isn't much more to you than decorative use," sighed Una as her and Jack began to bicker amongst themselves.

"Basically, what this means," Kendra carried on ignoring her two team members, "is that myself and my sister will be spending most of our time in this fabulous lab we have heard so much about."

"My lab is one of the best in the world, seriously, it's got everything you could wish for in there. A real nerds paradise!" boasted Tony as he stepped forward and offered Kendra a glass, "Bourbon on the rocks?"

"I can't wait to get started!" Kendra smiled as she took the glass from him. "Somehow I think I'll like it here." She could never turn down a glass of Bourbon.

The two groups started to mingle a little and get talking to each other. Jack sat between Agent Romanov and Steve Rodgers looking like a kid in a candy store, he then began to chat up an extremely uncomfortable Steve. Wilma had slid herself next to Thor, drooling slightly over his gigantic abs, listening to Thor tell her tales of his times in Asgard. Clint was showing off his bow to Kendra and they were telling each other stories from their work whilst Una and Tony had an ego-off. Bruce kind of flitted in between people's conversations, not really enjoying the loud environment. After some time Tony stood up on his sofa and called for everyone's attention.

"I'd like to make a toast!" He looked down at everyone, "To what will hopefully be a great friendship from one team to another and a toast to me for being the genius that I am and making all this possible." He raised his glass and they all toasted. The awkward atmosphere had settled now and they were all laughing and joking. Thor's booming laugh could be heard over everyone, even if sometimes he wasn't quite sure what he was laughing at. The team could see that him and Steve were out of their worlds.

Jack was in his element, charming everyone with his mad stories and anecdotes. Not forgetting to tell everyone just how many times he has saved the world. As the night moved on they started to wind down. Clint and Natasha left, fast followed by Bruce who wanted an early night because of all the work that needed doing in the lab tomorrow. The rest were getting a bit sluggish but still carried on, Jack still talking about his dangerous missions.

Kendra faked a huge yawn. "Honestly, just doesn't stop for breath this one." she said rolling her eyes towards Jack. Thor laughed and looked towards Jack

"Yes!" He boomed. "He does talk overmuch." This set the room off laughing again, all in all the team had quite a good night and any reservations about staying in Stark tower were put at rest.

Wilma had slightly too much to drink and was starting to come out of her shell. "Ooosh! Look at those muscles, I bet you could do a lot of heavy lifting!" she began to drool over Thor again.

"Oi, hormones. Stop it." warned Una.

"What?!" Wilma feigned suprise "I'm just saying he can lift me any day. Know what I'm sayin?" She winked back at Thor

"Yes! If ever you failed to reach something I can be of assistance as I am far taller and could, indeed hold your weight." Thor smiled at her. Wilma and Una snickered and Tony shook his head.

"They're made for each other!" Roared Jack as he tried to catch his breath, Wilma didn't seem too bothered by the statement.

"Anyways, you!" She pointed at Tony "I bet you know the best strip clubs in this area, mate."

"Yeah I know a couple."

"Brill, right you can take me there. If I'm staying here then I'd best have some fun!"

Tony's face lit up, "With pleasure." he replied.

"We can take that one too," she pointed at Steve, "looks like he's got a stick up his arse, needs to lighten up!" Tony found this remark very much to his liking as he nearly fell off his seat laughing. Steve scowled at them both and stood up.

"Well, I guess I'll take my leave now, goodnight it's been good to meet you all." he nodded to them and left the room.

The team started to feel the effects of jet lag. Wilma had ungracefully drifted off onto Thor and was literally drooling onto his arm. Jack looked over and laughed. It was getting late and they had a lot to do tomorrow. Jack thought it best to get his tired team to bed. Kendra and Una hoisted Wilma up as Tony showed them to their rooms.

Even in their tired state they admired the magnitude of Stark towers, it seemed to never end. Floor after floor, the rooms were beautifully decorated and it was obvious no expense was spared. They reached the floor they were staying on and Tony turned to them.

"These rooms are identical, they all have bathroom suites attached. So no need to fight over who's getting what. Tomorrow; just go to the room we met and someone will get you fed and show you round. Also tell your little snoring pitbull there if she breaks anything, I'll break her. Now you guys try not to dream about me all night" He winked at them and left.

"See, he's not that bad," grinned Jack, "and he's a little easy on the eyes. What more could you want?"

"A pin to pop his inflated ego?" Una sighed.

"Well, Jack is certainly helping inflate it. Anyway let's get sleeping beauty here in bed. She's killing my arm!" Kendra grunted under Wilma's weight. They bundled Wilma into the first room, dropped her into her bed and shut the door.

"See you in the morning girls, bright and early!" Jack walked into the second room and shut the door.

"Urgh, I'm not sure exactly how much I'm going to enjoy this mission." Una looked at her sister and rubbed her eyes, she opened the door to the third room.

"Ah well, at least we get to live here for a while. Say what you want about Tony Stark, you've got to love his style." Kendra smiled at her sister and they bid each other goodnight.

Kendra made her way into the fourth room, it was made up of neutral colours; mostly cream and beige. In the centre of the room stood a huge bed with soft cream and gold sheets. She noticed her bags in the corner of the room but deciding she was too tired to unpack she took off her work clothes and got into the bed. It felt like she was floating on a cloud, she ran her hands across the silk sheets.

_I reaallyy do like this guys style!_ she thought to herself and within seconds of her head hitting the pillow, she was asleep


End file.
